Glass Half Full
Glass Half Full
Healing Past Wounds: A Journey Beyond Trauma with Denise G. Lee
What happens when someone survives unthinkable childhood trauma and transforms that pain into purpose? In this powerful conversation, Denise G. Lee takes us through her extraordinary journey from severe childhood abuse to recovery from sex addiction and alcoholism to becoming a trauma-informed entrepreneur coach.
With remarkable vulnerability, Denise shares how her life's theme evolved from feeling betrayed by others to recognizing how she betrayed herself, and finally to embracing complete responsibility for her healing. She recounts surviving her mother's physical, emotional, and sexual abuse until age 11, attempting suicide at just seven years old, and later developing addictions as coping mechanisms while trying to find connection and meaning.
The turning point came when a therapist confronted Denise with the reality of her sex addiction, leading her to 12-step programs where she finally found people who could see her fully—broken parts and all—while offering practical tools for healing. This experience fundamentally transformed how she understands leadership, personal growth, and coaching.
Today, Denise works with high-achieving entrepreneurs who appear successful on the outside but struggle internally. She helps them recognize how unhealed trauma manifests in their business practices and relationships, guiding them toward authentic leadership through vulnerability. "You can only lead people to the point of your own level of vulnerability," she explains, highlighting how our willingness to acknowledge our imperfections creates psychological safety for those around us.
Whether you're facing your own healing journey or leading others through change, Denise's perspective offers profound wisdom: our failures and struggles aren't a summary of who we are—they're just data points that can refine rather than define us. Ready to transform your relationship with your past while creating a more authentic future? This episode is your roadmap.
https://info.deniseglee.com/learnwithdenise
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Good morning, good afternoon and good evening wherever you are in the world, and welcome to another episode of Glass Half Full, a podcast and a safe platform where we talk with a variety of teachers, entrepreneurs, spiritualists, uplifters, givers, shakers and serenaders. Everyone has a lesson to learn and a lesson to share. Let's use our life experiences to enrich someone's heart, mind, spirit and soul. Through sharing our experiences, we can be a learning inspiration for one another. I'm your host, chris Levins. Let's welcome today's guest. Today's guest is Denise G Lee.
Chris:Denise G Lee is not just a coach, but someone who has lived through deep pain and has done the work to heal. She doesn't offer quick fixes or surface level solutions. She sees you because she's been you. As an entrepreneur life coach, she works with high achievers who are outwardly successful but internally struggling. She helps you heal past wounds, manage stress effectively and gain real clarity on the patterns keeping you stuck. As an introvert and a certified project manager, she understands the weight of expectations and the pressure to always have it together. Through her coaching, you don't just talk about strategies. You create a roadmap for healing and growth that actually works for where you are in life and business. Let's welcome Denise G Lee. Good morning, good morning.
Denise:Hi, chris, I'm so glad to hear you.
Chris:Thank you so much for taking some time out to be a guest here on Glass Half Full. We're happy to have you today. Can you tell everyone where you are in the world and what time it is Can?
Denise:you tell everyone where you are in the world and what time it is. I am in the States. They call it the Lone Star State in Texas and it is nine o'clock in the morning.
Chris:Yes, Thank you so much for this morning chat. We appreciate your time. Well, we're going to jump right on in. I like to ask my guests this first question I believe that our lives are in spiritual design. Can you share your life layout or blueprint with everyone? This is how you grew up, where your family lifestyle, and then bring us up to today's time and then bring us up to today's time.
Denise:If I had a theme that or a through line that connected where I was to where I am, and it's this issue of betrayal. First it began on the idea of people betrayed me, and then it ended on I betrayed myself, and then it led to I am responsible for myself, and so let me explain what I'm talking about body. Over the course of my own healing journey and talking with so many people, I realized that my story is one of many stories, but I will say that it was a very painful beginning. I remember my first memories as a child, putting my hand on the crib and shaking with tears in my eye, afraid of not being comforted but by being hurt by my mother. From as long as I can remember until I was 11 years old, my mother physically, emotionally and sexually abused me. I didn't have my own bed until I was 11 years old and during that time frame there was just horrors on horrors, and I'm not trying to explain this for sympathy, but to say that I really thought my life was just hell, and I remember I tried to commit suicide when I was seven years old.
Denise:I remember I was at a trip with the daycare where I was, and we were going to a pool and they told me, because I couldn't swim, to go to the kiddie pool and I decided, for whatever reason, I wanted to go to the big pool.
Denise:I didn't obviously know how to swim, but I decided to go in there and, naturally, because I didn't know how to use my legs or arms, I just kind of felt like a dead weight and as I was losing consciousness, I kid you not, it was one of the most blissful experiences. I felt like I was going to leave, wow, and I and I, because I could there was no one would have believed anything I was saying about what was happening at my home. My father was largely absentee. He was there physically, but he wasn't really emotionally there for myself or my three, two order brothers, and my mother was just left, terrorizing all of us in various capacities. And I remember surviving that incident. They pulled me out and they gave me some, resuscitated me. I didn't go to the hospital but they gave me some other stuff to kind of evacuate all the chlorine out of my system and I just remember the experience, feeling so sad that they left me alive, wow.
Chris:Wow, at seven years old.
Denise:At seven years old. So it was a lot of things going on between even from seven years old to 11 years old. You know I was witnessing my mother. I mean, she never went to, she was never diagnosed, but I believe she had bipolar disorder or definitely some type of schizophrenia affect disorder. So I'm just speculating. But I mean the things that she did was just so downright bizarre, like sometimes she would get some fits and rage, she would take off her clothes, she would run around with a knife in the house. Wow, it was embarrassing. There were times when my father finally did leave shortly after I came back from being in foster care. That's how the abuse stopped. At 11 years old I told a teacher and the child protective services took me away for a year and I came back. Unfortunately, it's a long, convoluted story how I got back. I should have never returned back.
Denise:And my father left during that timeframe and there was periods of time where the bills weren't being paid. Electricity was shut off, I would have to take baths by candlelight, and so there were so many horrific things, and as I tell the story, it feels like I'm talking about somebody else's life, and in that time frame it was always I felt, betrayed by life. Wow.
Denise:And so this continued on. What happened after 11? So after 11, I'm still living with my mother, from 11 to 14, don't know why. Should have never been living with her. She stopped abusing me.
Denise:I had my own bedroom then and then it was just my mother would have more, I believe, psychotic episodes. And it got to the point where one time it was so terrible where I was saying I just want to live with my dad. I want to live with my dad. And I didn't even know at the time I should not have been living with my dad. I couldn't find out later and she said if you want to live with your dad, I'm just so sick of you, I'm going to kill you now. And she took out a box knife and she was running. I barricaded myself somewhere called the police. The police came by, took me, my father came by and I never went back to the house again. I finally found out that maybe a few months later, the house was closed and her and one of my other brothers went to live in a little apartment because the bills weren't being paid. Wow, because the bills weren't being paid. Wow and.
Denise:I thought that it was going to get better, but it got weirder and worse in other ways. When I was finally with my father.
Chris:Oh my gosh, Wow. Okay, all right, take us on up. Now we've gone, we've moved with dad. Are we skipping past dad's story?
Denise:I don't even know my dad's story because to this day my father is still kind of guarded about his life and his upbringing, but he was, he still is very. He never abused me physically. Okay, I just want to make it clear he never physically abused me, but he was very neglectful and he was very emotionally absent and I just believe that he just there was just something that just broke in him. I don't know if it was a marriage, I don't know if it was his early upbringing or living with my mother. I don't know what happened, but there were a series of my points where, when I was living with him, I was very, I had suicidal ideations. Even then. I remember my father, so fed up at one point, saying why don't you stop talking about and do it?
Denise:Oh wow, and I don't really know how to process that, even now talking about that.
Chris:So he loved did you feel? That he loved you in his own way.
Denise:I think he didn't know how to love himself or other people. I think he was just so desperate to feel emotionally comforted sexually by women which I came to find out why he was gone all the time. And even when I was living with him there was uh weekends where he maybe showed up to change because clothes, refreshed himself, and I wouldn't see him for the rest of the weekend or some nights that he wouldn't come home because he was always chasing some woman. And all those years when my father, when he said he was working two jobs, he might have had been working but all the times he was just out having women I came to find out when I was living with him and his uh one of many girlfriends at the time for a year that he routinely even cheated on her. He just picked up every woman that would just interested in his company until they got tired of him. Wow.
Chris:And so you lived, and how long did you stay with your dad?
Denise:I lived with my father until I was 21 years old, and so you would think, at 21 years old, I'm an adult, right, I'm a freshman in college okay and there's a long story why I'm a freshman at 21 in college. But I'm a freshman and I'm a sophomore sorry, because I just finished up my first year in my second point into my second year and I was, I'm adult right, but I wasn't an adult.
Denise:I was. I was mentally and emotionally a 15 year old kid stuck in a 21 year old body, because all the fact, despite the fact that I did go through therapy off and on, despite the fact that I was technically had a bank account on a car and everything like that, I didn't know how to relate to anybody from a very suspicious, negative, paranoid, angry perspective. And so I was not prepared to live an adult life. Wow.
Chris:And so this takes you to. What did you study when you went to school?
Denise:Not what I do now. I had a dual degree in environmental science and geography and the funniest part about it is that that degree was not a degree that I necessarily wanted to have. It was because, out of desperation, I was originally a computer science major and because, well, my brother was a computer science major, my other brother was an mathematician. You know, my dad's an economics major maybe you know so stupidly.
Denise:I thought I should follow along the family lineage, come to find out I wasn't inclined in that and either I changed my majors or I flunked out of college. And in desperation. My then best friend, faith, and I was sitting in my bedroom um piling through all the majors and decided that environmental science seemed easy enough and I could still say in science major because that was the scholarship that helped me. I gave gave me a good stipend, so I had to choose some science and so I chose environmental science okay, okay I'm sorry for all the people who were like.
Denise:My professors are like. We thought I was really into the environment.
Chris:I still believe in mother earth, he said but the truth be told, yes, hey, we got to do what we have to do, so no qualms for that. I'm sure you learned quite a bit from it as well, For sure. So during the university, were you able to find a sense of belonging? Were you able to connect with people? You just mentioned a bestie? So there were people that you were able to start to confide in or to become close with?
Denise:Yeah, but they weren't the people that were actually helping me heal. They were my enablers, they were my scapegoats. They're the people that got me entangled into worse things. It wasn't so much that I was being nurtured and healed, it was just like I was jumping from the five frying pan right and straight into the oven, or off the pan into the fire, whatever that analogy goes it was getting hot.
Chris:It was getting hot yeah, I mean there.
Denise:I mean it was just crazy situations where I would meet people that were suggesting to me that have threesomes. It was people who were suggesting same sex relationship. It was people like, who were telling me to do certain things. It was not conducive to my emotional development let's just say that it was where my sex addiction and my alcoholism fully blossomed.
Chris:Oh, gosh Right. And so how do you finish school? Do you make it through?
Denise:Remarkably I do, and it's not because of my belief in myself. It was the fear of being homeless that got me to still continue through my studies. It was a fear of being reprimanded by my school counselor that gave me more pep talks than any of my family members ever did. That made me continue to see that I had worth and value and in fact, when I graduated I was offered not one, but two free rides to the grad school one for land use and another one for geography.
Denise:To continue on I turned them both down because my then fiance said I need to get to work and that was more important to me than continuing my education wow okay at Okay. At the time.
Chris:Understandable. Well, I mean, I get it, I've been there too. Like you're over school, you just want a break. You're like just let me get you know, and you wanted to make a little money. Nothing wrong with that, for sure.
Denise:No, no, Chris. I wanted the approval of the person that was providing me emotional attachment over my own long-term.
Chris:He provided me emotional attachment over my own long-term movie.
Denise:Oh okay, he went to grad school. He already went through that process, but he just wanted me to make money. I didn't necessarily want it to break, I just wanted to be loved at all costs.
Chris:So you were willing to do what it was that he was saying that you should do. Yeah, wow.
Denise:Okay, so bring us up, you go into the work world. You take us through, take us through, so you're in the work world now so I you know, not shockingly my engagement to that man I didn't last nine months after I graduated college and I'm still sexing with random people and drinking and somehow having jobs Somehow. Don't even know how. I'm so volatile emotionally. What kind of job did you get? Oh well, I worked for the federal. First I worked for a private sector and then I started working for the federal government in various capacities.
Denise:I remember sidebar note I was working for FEMA, federal Emergency Management Agency, during Hurricane Katrina. Those are the guys who are actually older.
Chris:Yes, we know about it. I was about to say I know about it, Okay.
Denise:And I remember when Kanye West said that the government doesn't care about Black people, and I remember there's a point to this, there's a point to this. So I was sitting there in like the operations center, like the nurse center, where they're making like deployments and sending aid and whatnot and federal resources, and I remember on the screen him screaming Kanye West doesn't care about black, like sorry.
Denise:Kanye West is screaming the federal government doesn't care about black people. I'm like patty wasn't screaming, the federal government care about black people. I'm like, think about it. Are you insane? I'm working 12 hour days. We care about black people. Trust me, trust me on this. I'm a black woman and I'm in this government and I'm telling you this, and so the reason why I'm saying this is that if you don't get the full picture of what's happening around you, you, you default the negative, worst case scenario true, so true, so true.
Chris:This is it. This is it which is huge. I mean, you know, and a lot of people aren't getting all the information, they're jumping to the conclusions that they hear and start from the jump, but anyway, so please continue.
Denise:So you're working, he's I mean it was a lot of weird things that were going on. For security reasons I can't talk about every little thing, of course, of course.
Denise:But I will say that it was very eye opening, working from the private sector and the federal government and seeing certain things that's showing on the news, and it made me start to question certain things about perspective. And during this time frame, I'm literally about to lose my job, more or less, and I was about to get fired from the therapist. He even believed a therapist. I was telling the therapist about another sexual situation I was going through and she I was. I was in the middle of my spiel. She said just hold that thought she walked up. This little old lady, a little nun, walked up into the filing cabinet, pulled out a sheet of paper, gave me a pencil and said fill out this questionnaire. I didn't know what the questionnaire was and it was like have you ever had sex in public? And I'm like who doesn't you know? Have you know have, have have sex, you know, got in the way of your working relationship? Well, yeah, I've had sex in the workplace.
Denise:You know I'm like clicking all these things in prison. If it was like a pop quiz, I would have gotten like eight out of 10. Only two things I said was that I didn't have sex with kids and I didn't get jailed. But everything I've done could have got me jailed. And the therapist looked at me and she's like well, congratulations, you're a sex addict. This is beyond my pay scale. Here's a pamphlet to sex, a callous and all the best of luck to you. Wow.
Chris:Wow, that is so full on. That is so full on Okay. So let me ask you were you shocked by her diagnosis or did you say, okay, yeah, I kind of knew this I was angry, I felt betrayed again because I thought okay, why because I poured my heart out to this lady giving giving her my $20 co-pays.
Denise:Shouldn't she do something for me? Shoot.
Chris:For her to say, oh, go to the file cabinet and have you fill out a questionnaire. Oh, my goodness, okay, so we leave. We're done with her. She's just pushed us off to somebody else. So where, what are you doing now? Where does this propel you to do?
Denise:so I have the sheet of numbers and locations, these nearby churches, and I was familiar with 12-step programs when I was living with my brother. Briefly, he had a DUI incident. I was more or less enabling him and a co-worker of mine at the time suggested I go to narcotics anonymous with her because her son was addicted to various substances narcotics and I knew about 12-step recovery programs. But I didn't really engage in it because I thought that's not me, I don't need this, but the fact that my life is falling apart, I'm about to lose my job. I clearly don't have any support system with people who actually want me healthy. I have no therapist. What do I got to lose, right, so I went into a drove. I pulled up to this one church. There's so many different churches all around the country in the world that have these meetings, but the thing is all the same. There's people chain smoking right outside, but they're somehow looking somewhat happy about it which I don't quite get.
Denise:And so I am feeling dejected, wondering you know what my latest STD check results are? And then going into and looking, sitting in this old, worn couch that was probably donated from somewhere, and seeing signs like you know, easy, does it, you know? One step at a time. I'm like what hell? What is this? And I'm listening to people feeling happy about being sober, like not having sex for like years. I'm like what? Even I haven't had sex for 12 weeks. What is this? And people say so happy. I'm here, keep coming back and work will be working. Everyone's holding hands. I usually don't get touched and I'm like and I felt weird because they were all.
Denise:They were mostly older white men, but there was a sprinkle of other people there so I'm like the only black girl, 25 years old, surrounded by like middle-aged white dudes who got like divorced or jailed or convicted pedophiles, all of those stuff. I'm like why am I here? This is degenerate, like for setting myself as polio. Now I felt betrayed again. I betrayed myself. I got myself here, but little did I know that it was actually the path to really awareness on a different level.
Chris:Tell us about it.
Denise:It was the first time in my life that where, with the work of the sponsor that I had and doing the 12 steps, that I realized that maybe your mother wasn't out to get you, maybe she was just deeply broken. Maybe your father wasn't neglectful, maybe he was broken inside. Maybe the things that you did was your own damn fault and not because of circumstances. Maybe you need to start growing up emotionally. Here's how you do that. Yeah, it was tools that, despite all the years in therapy, despite all the reprimands from teachers and friends and situations, it finally hit home that we see you, denise, who you are. You're full of crap. That's okay. We were too. There's a better way. We were too.
Chris:There's a better way Seeing you for exactly where you're at and who you are for and that moment, and being there. Let me ask you in from this one church. How long did you? Did you stay there for a period of time after you? So, I bounced around.
Denise:I bounced. I mean you. The way the 12-step programs work. Sex halls are similar to alcoholics and all this work. You just go to wherever there's meetings. So one church, one local, it doesn't matter, they're all over the place. I went to retreats. I mean it was literally like a second family and I needed it. I needed a place where I could actually start to grow up.
Chris:So were you able to change your sex addiction, as they say, were you able to find a?
Denise:different, yes and no. So I was still in my alcoholism okay during that time frame. So I wasn't wasn't completely sober and unfortunately, even though I had periods of abstinence from the sex edition, I did drag my then boyfriend, now husband, into, you know, some of my addiction issues and I do apologize to him for that. But it was a time where I had to really start trying out. I didn't really stop using porn until I was fully stopped using porn.
Denise:I was 34 okay that was the last time, 34, so I've been dry almost 10 years from that pornography. Um but uh, the alcoholism. That was since my son was born, nine years.
Chris:Okay.
Denise:So I had steady, long-term sobriety. I had ebbs and flows in between that, but it wasn't until my 30s that I finally started really taking my recovery life seriously and put the kibosh on certain things.
Chris:Nice, and your husband was a boy partner then, and now he is in the same. I guess he as well he stopped. Was he a drinker as well? Was he a person who was doing the same things that you were at the time?
Denise:mess he was into just like any nerdy boy, anime, okay. I didn't even know that and it was funny because it wasn't until recently we were just kind of talking about. He was like, yeah, I kind of stopped using porn like shortly within the first year or two of our marriage too.
Denise:I didn't even know that oh, wow I didn't even know that, like oh wow, I didn't even know that, like he was, he was struggling with that too, but we didn't talk about it because we thought that once you're married with somebody and you're getting your sexual desire from that person, you shouldn't have that desire to look elsewhere. The fact of the matter is, we were both trying to heal from certain wounds and we, even though we were married, we never talked about that.
Chris:Again and feeling about the communication. And I mean this is something that you have to learn right To feel that we can come in and talk about all kinds of things. You know, even though we are a couple a lot of couples, you know, aren't communicating about some of the real things that are happening, they just know the generalness about it. Either people feel some uncomfortability sometimes in talking about it or feeling that they're not ready to share where they are in talking about it. But still, sometimes that sense of communication is not always as free as it is. But later on, coming back, that's nice that you guys can have that moment to realize like, wow, I didn't even know that you know all these years later, like, wow, okay about that. So tell me about. Let's bring me up to today's time. What is it? Tell everyone, what is it that you do today? How do you help people today?
Denise:So, getting back to the beginning of the conversation, moving from feeling betrayed right, that didn't betray myself and to really learning to take responsibility, live life from a place of fear, anxiety and people pleasing, and actually started to use all the gifts and the knowledge that I've accumulated over the years. When I was beginning my entrepreneur journey, I started off doing personal training because it was a way to kind of quell the anxiety, because it was a great escape from the sex addiction and I was pretty good at it and barking orders and yelling at people and I was awesome to the extent.
Denise:And then I kind of just faced out and then did business coaching and I wasn't, because I do have a project management background, but that wasn't really who I was too. It just triggered my control issues and my people pleasing issues. And then now what I do is a kind of a hybrid of life coaching and trauma work, but I specifically talk to business owners and explaining how certain patterns in life actually come from unhealed traumas, and it actually brings me so much joy, chris to finally be aligned with who I am, with my talents, my experience and giving people hope.
Denise:And so it kind of brings everything back full circle that I know what it looks like to feel like your life is just solely so screwed beyond any means. But don't be discouraged, there's more ahead of you than behind you.
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Chris:And you know this is it Because you have had the experiences in your life. You can understand, you can relate, you know and that's huge. You know because nobody wants anybody telling them anything and you feel like you can't understand me. And you know just from a little bit about what you've said. In your life you've been through some things and so you have an understanding about a lot of things that are going on, and probably being able to recognize it in other people as well when you see them as if they're broken or if they're in the midst of dealing with things. I want to ask I want to talk about this a little bit deeper. I want to talk about the leadership role. I want to know how does a leader's emotional intelligence shape the culture and success of their organization?
Denise:There is a part where you can only lead people to the point of your own level of vulnerability. For example, if I'm not willing to get up and tell you, chris and everyone who's listening, that I was a jerk. I'm a recovering asshole, right, I did crappy things. Here's what I've learned, why it hurt me and hurt everybody, how can I show that vulnerability to instill that little urge in the people I'm leading? Because we as human beings, we are tribal creatures. We match and mirror what we believe is what our leaders are. A style like espousing like, for example. I remember maybe you remember too when everyone was so shocked about ellen degeneres she's a jerk.
Denise:She's a jerk. She was being mean on her show. She wouldn't have people look in her eyes. What's all this about? And? But wait a minute, she was always going up on her show talking about being happy and loving and and whatever. And it was such a disconnect because on the she was trying to espouse love and virtue and all this other stuff, but behind the scenes she was being a jerk. So there was a disconnect with her people and that's what caused them to leak to the tabloids and other people like.
Denise:Ellen generis is not who you think she is it will eventually come to surface the character of the leader and it can poison the organization if the leader is not aware about who they really are. Warts and all.
Chris:Yeah, I agree with that Nice answer. Yeah, you need to know Definitely. And it will, like you say, it will poison the organization. This is it? This is it Nice answer? Do you think that past failures become a leader's greatest asset? If so, how?
Denise:Well, I personally wouldn't be here talking about it right If I couldn't sit here and tell you about the dumpster fire of my early adolescence and adulthood. I truly believe everyone who has been through something has a beautiful story that can help inspire and motivate other people, and I was thinking about robert downey jr. The other day I was talking about it with my husband, we were talking about the his movie tropic thunder.
Denise:They'll never have anything like that, ever again. But but the point I'm trying to make is that Robert Downey Jr. He was arrested, he went to jail, he had a lot of bad fallout from his private lifestyle and now look at him. Now I mean, he's an iron man. Yeah. I guess he was iron.
Chris:He was yeah.
Denise:He's done so many different cool movies. He is so bangable now, but he's also a comic. Yeah, he is. But he has this level of humility and a cool factor that could have never happened had he not been humble, and I think that everyone who has messed up in life has that cool factor.
Chris:Nice Question. Do you think that self-forgiveness plays a big role? So?
Denise:imagine, chris, I, I call you local time, your time 7 am and I say, hey, good morning chris.
Chris:You're an asshole this is after the good morning. This is after the good morning good morning, you're an asshole, right.
Denise:And then what if I call you like a couple more days and say hey good morning, chris, and you say hey, good morning. Good morning.
Denise:Hey, you're a jerk, you have brass balls or have selective memory you will start to internalize if you don't question it. You'll internalize the belief that you're stupid and you're a jerk and all these other stuff. But people who haven't dealt with their issues are saying these things on loop on questions and will cause them to create and manifest certain types of reality that firms that underlying belief yeah, it would be a good yeah, we think it's ridiculous if I, if I call you right and I say, hey, good morning, you're a jerk, right.
Denise:but people wake up every day and look in themselves in the mirror and say you're stupid, you're fat, you're, you're useless. They're taking little points, little points of experiences that we all have good, bad and ugly and making a generalization of who they are, and that's terribly unfair for you, the leader.
Chris:Yeah, it's true, You're right. You're right Speaking about dealing as the leader. How do leaders navigate the tension between self-confidence and self-doubt in high stakes decision making?
Denise:So in a business world there's this concept called the Peter Principle. It's really more for, like, promoting people, but the same concept applies for entrepreneurs. By achieving leaders is that at a certain point you'll be promoted to your level of incompetence.
Denise:Meaning that are the, the colloquial phrases you're, you're beyond your pay grade, right okay oh yes, you were so good you're so good at a certain point and they think you're such a rock star and they think, well, maybe she can handle more work. I'm like actually no, she can't. She wasn't really good. So there's a point where we all need to be pushed and prodded, so we all need to have our metal tested right and we need to.
Denise:We never know who we are unless we're put through the situation. But at the same time, if we don't want to test ourselves, it's because of some type of limiting belief or some type of unresolved issue from the past. And so I'll say that it's not so much the experience but how you respond to the experience that matters when it comes to self-confidence or limiting beliefs. Are you pushing yourself to that level because of what other people expect of you, or are you pushing yourself because of what you expect of yourself? And even if you mess up, what can you learn from that experience?
Chris:Yes.
Denise:That's what really matters. You're right, not necessarily the outcome, but what?
Chris:have you learned of yourself what's what really matters? You're right.
Denise:Not necessarily the outcome, but what have you learned of yourself? What can we?
Chris:take away. You're right, Especially about ourselves. I mean, when you really know yourself, it's huge, it is a huge ordeal. The younger people my nieces in that age are these young teens today. I ask them something, they're like I don't know. I'm like, well, what do you mean? You don't know. Like you should at least have some type of answer, like something you know, like at least dig a little deep to find out something. When you're asking things about yourself, what do you like? Have you not asked these questions? What do you want? But a lot of times we're caught into what other people want for us to do or doing other things that other people think we should do, instead of being where we're supposed to be for ourselves. So yeah, that makes 100% for that. When you're dealing with leaders, can I ask you how can leaders ensure their personal healing journey positively affects their professional legacy?
Denise:We live in a really weird age, chris, where people are obviously listening to this podcast like this right and they're seeking the listicle their five steps to being awesome.
Denise:Or their 10 steps to eliminating fear once and for all, or whatever is trending on Instagram real, and people can become self-help junkies looking for that one thing that will cure all that instant pill, that instant idea or webinar. And the fact of the matter is it's not that way we are creatures of becoming. We never will arrive. There are going to be seasons of our lives we're going to ace it and there's going to be seasons where we're going to just put our foot up our rear I want to I want to keep this g-rated.
Denise:We're gonna we're gonna mess up, we're just gonna mess up, and and there's gonna be moments all in between where we're gonna be afraid and scared and not really know where we're going or what to do. But I will say this no matter what happens, if you are leaning into holding strong the best version of who you believe you can be, no matter even if you fail or mess up, if you still hang tight to that, you're not just inspiring other people, you're inspiring yourself because at the end of the day, we have to be our own personal heroes not necessarily heroes for organization or our customers or clients, but for us when we wake up and look in the mirror and say you're a rock star.
Denise:It doesn't matter if you have cancer. It doesn't matter if you just filed for bankruptcy. It doesn't matter if your partner left you. Can you still feel like a rock star. That's the whole part of living a successful life feeling like you're okay.
Chris:I love that. Yes, right, and if not, learning how to be okay, not okay, and getting to be better to be okay as well. You know, like you say this, the stages will come where we're on top, and sometimes we're not, and that's okay. But if you have the tools to be able to navigate those moments when we're not, we'll make the situation go a lot easier, or the circumstances will definitely go a lot easier than not.
Denise:You know, yeah, absolutely Chris. Like I just want to say, that goes on my mind right now is that a lot of people think that they need to have certain things lined up, Like I need to have my kids acting right, I need to make sure I'm bringing them this amount of revenue. I need to make sure that I've got a good PR. This is huge.
Denise:They're looking. They look for all these externalities, for signs that they will be internally okay. And that's not living, that's just surviving that scraping by that scarcity mindset because you're relying on things that are unpredictable to validate your internal work and your work is 100. Awesome because that you're actually on the earth breathing oxygen that's it nothing else I love that.
Chris:You're right. Nothing else. The fact that you are here, you are already awesome. You know a lot of people can't even see past that small thing. It's the small things to be grateful. You know. Know. Just being grateful you know for sure you can it pushes you in a whole nother place. Well, you can't be angry and be grateful at the same time. It's not going to work, but definitely falling into just being here, just realizing that we are here and that we belong and we're awesome. I love that. I love that. I want to change a little bit and I want to ask you about your podcast. Let's talk about your podcast, the Entrepreneur Podcast for Leaders Committed to Growth and Healing. We love that. Such a lovely title. Tell us about it. What is it that you have hope for? Why are you doing it? What do you want people to get out of the learning and listening?
Denise:Yeah, the introverted entrepreneur podcast. I've had it since 2020. I can't even believe it's been five years.
Chris:Wow, congratulations. Let me get a little cause. Yes, nice job, congratulations.
Denise:Thank you. I wasn't doing it originally to help anybody, but to help myself, like again I'm an asshole for a reason. The beginning, the origins of it was just as a lead generating funnel that somebody told me was awesome because they said if they get hooked on your words, they'll keep consuming.
Denise:Consuming soon, because I actually have listened already to some of your podcast episodes yourself oh wow, bless your heart thank you and uh, you know, I was particularly uh, uh touched by the episode that you had with the, the guest that didn't know that her, her father, committed suicide.
Chris:Oh yes.
Denise:And her passion, that one really touched me.
Denise:And so the reason why I have my podcast involved, really from business coaching to healing and leadership coaching, was because I wanted somebody to share the good, the bad, the ugly in a very unfiltered and honest way.
Denise:I wanted to actually have a safe landing spot, like your podcast is, specifically for the entrepreneur that is looking for a perspective that's not shared mainstream, that says I understand what it looks like to have burnout, I know what it looks like to feel anxious, how do I keep everything afloat while managing my team. I wanted to speak directly to those people from a general life perspective and I wanted to bring in a trauma-informed approach to it. So that's really where I'm at with this podcast and how it's kind of evolved. I'm very proud to have over 600 episodes and have so many well-renowned doctors, therapists, psychologists Dr Claudia Black is one of my guests. There's so many people that are like heavy hitters in. Black is one of my guests is just so many people that are like heavy hitters in the trauma recovery space that I'm just so blessed I've had these conversations with.
Chris:I love that, I love that and that's the same here. I just wanted it was something I never thought about. It was just something that I wanted to do and to put out, to just do my part with giving back, and from every episode I am always blessed by something that I have learned or has helped change me or given me a new perspective. It's quite exciting because it's a free gift that I was never expecting to receive, but it has been most rewarding with every episode and with every guest. So I understand your feeling about just you know the people that you're talking with and what you have to share. That's awesome. And where do you see your podcast in the future?
Denise:Where do you see your podcast in the future. I haven't really thought about that. One of the things that I've learned in recovery is focusing on the present.
Chris:Okay.
Denise:That's honest yeah.
Chris:That's honest.
Denise:I know I should say well, in the next 10 years I envision being on blah blah blah show and having Super Soul Sunday with Oprah. I'm not even like thinking that way.
Chris:But if that's what you want, though, right it's, you know. You know I don't. I think, yeah, either way works. If you feel like, yes, that's what you want, to voice it out. But if not, yeah, I get it too. That you know, being present is huge, you know. I think that's really important in life, just to be able to be present, because tomorrow is not promised and Lord knows we can't go back. You know, sometimes we don't want to, but still being in this moment, now and people always say, how do you become present, how do you? The thought of saying I want to be present is your present. It brings you right. It brings you right to the now of it. Someone said to me and I was like, oh, that is so clever, but it is really true. But you're right, dealing with now and being now is a wonderful place to be. So I get it. I've never been in recovery, but if they're teaching that, then that makes sense.
Denise:Yeah, I think for anybody who's listening, no matter what they're trying to do, if they have a want to start a podcast or whatever they're doing is, yes, there are things that you need to do to obviously bring in guests, improve the quality, improve retention, all that side. The question you should be asking yourself is did I show up and did the best version of me in this moment? Nice.
Chris:Nice, nice, yeah, this is it Be like. Can we check that box? Can we check that box? Nicely put, nicely put, I want to ask a little bit about mental health and mental care, after you've spoken about what you have dealt with in your life and therapy. How do you maintain good mental health today, in 2025? What is it that you do to keep yourself in good condition?
Denise:Well, here's the thing Mental health is interlaced with physical health, which is interlaced with spiritual health. Yes. There's not necessarily we can just separate mental health Because, like, for example, if you're not getting enough sleep or eating enough fruits and vegetables, or you're not attending to your spiritual health, connecting with nature or the creative whatever you believe you best believe you're not going to be thinking positive things about your neighbor or about your business.
Denise:So if these things are all interconnected, I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm focused on improving my mental health. I'm making sure that if there's equilibrium with everything and, that being said, I have wonderful mentors that help me make sure that I'm challenged emotionally and spiritually. Obviously, I have the love and support of my husband.
Denise:I'm constantly reading through different things to help me understand people's perspective from a different angle and stay connected to my belief system, staying connected with earth, with even though I guess I am still connected with my degree. Then, after all About you know, tending to my gardening work, I have a look right now I'm sitting and staring at my pear tree. It's she's blooming. Oh, wow, yeah she blooms white flowers.
Denise:Oh, nice yeah I'moms white flowers, oh nice, yeah, I'm just so proud of. And I also have a beautiful mint plant that's growing right now. It's regenerating after I harvest it. So you know, just doing things that fill me up mind, body and soul is something that I don't just do for my sobriety, I just do it so I can actually start being present in life. When I was drinking and sexting and all this stuff, I was disconnected from life. So now everything I want to do reconnects me with life.
Chris:I love that. That's so sensational. I want a pair in a pair. Look, yes, that sounds so good. Nice, nice, nice, nice. So I like to ask all my guests this final question is your glass half empty or half full?
Denise:oh, that's such a good question. Oh, thanks, that's such a very good question I want.
Denise:For the longest time in my life it was always half empty. It was always in want and desire and scraping for something bigger, something different, bigger, better, and I realize now it's as full as I want it to be be. Every time I fill in my cup with optimism and hope and gratitude, I'm filling it in, and every time I'm thinking about resentment or bitterness or anxiety, I'm draining it out. So for me, right now, I'm trying to fill this cup up. It's full. It's getting fuller every day up.
Chris:It's full. It's getting fuller every day. Yes, we love it. I love this, the answers. Everyone has something different and their their view on it, so, so great, thank you. Thank you for sharing that. I want to ask you do you have any final thoughts for our listeners, anything that you want to leave us with to be thinking on, to be savoring on?
Denise:so, even though you might have heard my story and thought whoa, or may have heard my story and go honey, take a seat, let me tell you about my life. This is not an issue of comparing who's better or who's worse. It's about asking yourself are you willing to match my level of vulnerability? Or, even better, forget about with other people, but with yourself? Are you willing to be able to see even how the bad things in life has actually helped you and refined you, not had made you contemptuous and bitter? Are you willing to ask yourself how you're really showing up, not just for yourself, but for your team, for the people who depend on you day in and day out, because, whether or not you believe it or not, they're looking for you as a guidepost. Hmm.
Chris:I love that. Now, look, I was in bated breath like are we at a pause? Okay, You're right, I was holding my breath. I'm like please continue.
Denise:I think I had a pause for a moment because there's moments where I'm thinking about something and I really have to be intentional that it's not misconstrued. One way, I used to be a person that felt like I had to shoot off the hip anything just to fill in the vacuum, and I realized that in those moments of pause it helps people to reflect about what is resonating most of them, because for me, I'm thinking about vulnerability. For you, you might be thinking about insecurities. You might be thinking about how you showed up, maybe replaying all the ways that you failed yourself. Forget about your team. And this is not about recrimination. This is about reflection. Reflection is not looking at your lowest point as a measure of who you are as a person.
Denise:It's just data points. It's not a summary of you.
Chris:Yes, nicely put, nicely put. Yeah, it is not a summary. It is not a summary. Yes, no, nicely put. You gave us some nice little nuggets today. Well, this evening for me, but the morning for you. You said 8 o'clock, 9 o'clock in the morning. My gosh, I'm scared of you. Let me see you at one, 30 or two o'clock in the afternoon. You going to be. If this is how you are this in this morning, wow, wow, you would get a whole different, chris, if things were turned around. If I was at the nine o'clock in the morning, let me tell you. If I was at the nine o'clock in the morning, let me tell you. But you're on fire. Give it to us, denise. Give it to us. Yes, I want to ask you can you tell everyone how they can reach you if they want to find out more about you?
Denise:Yeah, the best place to find me and just get more of these very honest perspectives on this life and learning how to live who you are authentically is infodenisegleecom slash. Learn with Denise. I know that's a lot of long words. Thank you, chris, for in advance, for putting the link in the show notes, of course.
Chris:Of course. Yes, yes, yes, I will. Everything will be linked um at the the underneath the posting of this. So, cause you know, people do not have anything to write stuff down with, you know, so everything will be there and they can just click away to go through to find out all your information. Denise, thank you so much for having a chat with us today. We are so happy to have had you on Glass Half Full. Thank you for this morning.
Denise:Thank you for your evening with me.
Chris:Oh, you're so very welcome. We really appreciate you taking the time out and just sharing everything A about your personal life, and that's brought us up. And I love the comment that you made that we have to be our own personal hero, and I love that, and it's something that our family says, but we've never actually like put it out in public, but it's nice to other people to hear somebody else say something similar, so I love that. I love that and you're true, we do have to be our own personal hero for that. Thank you so much for your time and your energy today. You have a wonderful and awesome day ahead of you. We'll talk to you real soon.
Denise:Thank you for having me, Chris.
Chris:You're very welcome. Thank you Bye-bye. If you love the show and want to support us, you can become a monthly subscriber for as little as $1 a month or make a one-time donation. Just look for the heart icon or the support link on our podcast platform. We're so grateful for your continued support. It helps us keep making this show even better.
Chris:Thank you for tuning in to another inspiring episode of our podcast. I'm your host, chris Levins, and I want to express my gratitude to each and every one of you for being a part of our supportive community. Remember, glass Half Full is not just a podcast. It's a safe platform for everyone to share their life experiences. Your stories, stories and voice matter, and we appreciate you for being here with us. If you enjoyed today's episode and want to stay updated with our future content, please subscribe, follow and rate our podcast on Apple Music, spotify and YouTube. Your support means the world to us and it helps us reach even more listeners who can benefit from these valuable life experiences. As we wrap up this episode, always keep in mind you are blessed, no matter the challenges you face. There's a reservoir of strength within you. There's a reservoir of strength within you. Until next time, stay positive and remember the glass is always half full, see ya.