Glass Half Full
Glass Half Full
Dr. April Brown's Insights on Relationships, Intimacy and Self-Care
In this weeks episode Chris talks with Dr. April Brown.
Are you ready to revolutionize your understanding of intimacy and improve your relationships? Let's embark on this journey with the insightful Dr. April Brown, a certified relationship and sex therapist, licensed counselor, author, and podcast host. She's here to share her spiritual and professional journey, which beautifully transitioned from being an accountant to a therapist, all inspired by a divine call. We get to dive deep into her wisdom about intimacy, exploring various dimensions beyond just the physical and sexual aspects.
Dr. April Brown emphasizes on the importance of being fully present, vulnerable, and authentic for true intimacy. We discuss cultural attitudes towards intimacy, their influence on sexual intimacy, and the significance of being body-aware and open about discussions on sex. Dr. April Brown proffers some crucial insights on maintaining healthy relationships, setting boundaries, and making time for each other amidst the busyness of life. We'll also explore Dr. April's unique method of vacation counseling and intimacy retreats. These exclusive packages involve therapy, play, and assorted activities that offer an adventurous route to rediscovering intimacy.
We also shed light on the benefits of self-intimacy and its role in knowing your own body. There's a candid discussion on the potential benefits of incorporating sex toys into a relationship, highlighting the importance of communication between partners. Wrapping up, Dr. April Brown offers some invaluable advice on maintaining good mental health through healthy sexual intimacy. Not only is this a thought-provoking conversation, but it also forms a guidebook to intimacy, relationships, and self-care.
Good morning, good afternoon and good evening. Wherever you are in the world. Welcome to another episode of Glass Half Full, a podcast and a safe platform where we talk with a variety of teachers, entrepreneurs, spiritualists, uplifters, givers, shakers and serenaders. Everyone has a lesson to learn and a lesson to share. Let's use our life experiences to enrich someone's heart, mind, spirit and soul. Through sharing our experiences, we can be a learning inspiration for one another. I'm your host, chris Levens. Let's welcome today's guest.
Chris:Today's guest is Dr April Brown. Dr April Brown is the Doctor of Intimacy. She is a certified relationship and sex therapist, licensed counselor author and podcast host that specializes in couples counseling through Gottman, intimacy and sex therapy, relationship trauma through EMDR, anxiety, depression and emotional support animals. She has a thriving private practice called Cape Coral Therapists, a couple's retreat business called Vacation Counseling in Florida and Costa Rica and a podcast called Bringing Intimacy Back. She is the author of improving intimacy series books on Amazon and the creator of intimacy quizzes. Dr April's mission is to increase intimacy for all. Let's give a warm welcome to Dr April Brown.
Dr. April Brown:Yes, thank you, Chris, for having me on the show. I'm so excited.
Chris:Yes, good morning to you. Thank you so much for taking some time out to be a guest here on Glass at Fool. We're so happy to have you. Yes, can you tell everyone where you are in the world and what time it is, please?
Dr. April Brown:So it is 9.05 and I'm in beautiful Sarasota, florida.
Chris:Oh, nice, I can't say I've ever been there, but I've been to Florida. Nice, you guys get it's warm still right.
Dr. April Brown:Yes, it is.
Chris:Okay.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah.
Chris:We just started pulling out stuff here, so it's like jackets and things for the weather changing. Nice, nice, nice. Well, thank you again for having some time today. We're going to jump right on in. I like to ask all my guests this first question I believe that our lives are in spiritual design. Can you share your life layout or blueprint with everyone, how you grew up, where your family lifestyle?
Dr. April Brown:Oh, okay, yes, and I do believe that spiritually has played a big role in my family. So I was born in a military family in Seattle Washington and we moved around quite a lot, but my family home base from my original father who passed away because he was a Vietnam vet and a lot of other stuff that happened and my mom and then my stepfather they're all from Charleston, south Carolina, so that's where I spent most of my early childhood. I grew up in a family that is Catholic. I went to I'm African American and I went to basically all white Catholic schools most of my life. In my high school years we moved to Florida and I, of course, went to Catholic school there. Then I went to a school called Florida State in Tallahassee, which I love. I majored in business because I'm pretty good at numbers, which I really like.
Dr. April Brown:However, I was working in an accountant. Actually, I moved to Atlanta after college and I was working as an accountant for Domino's, doing a lot of stuff, working extra long hours, and I had a spiritual awakening. I guess that God spoke to me about doing something different. I can't see. He spoke to me take time off and to raise a family and to do something different. I was like God, I just don't know. He's like, yeah, go ahead, think about being an accountant. I was like I don't know if I like people, but I put my faith in God and I decided to just do what he told me to do, so that I will be done. I've been a therapist ever since, which I love, so I'm back in Florida.
Dr. April Brown:I moved back in Florida probably about 27 years ago, started a private practice back in 2005. I worked as a school counselor, college counselor and started my little tiny private practice Then, in 2016, decided to go full-time in private practice. At the time, I was doing children, I had a lesson, christian counseling, and then also God talked to me again about doing intimacy and sex and said God, I don't know, you tell me about this. I don't know, but of course, I decided to do as he says, and so that's how I am today in a sense, yeah.
Chris:Wow, wow. How long have you been doing the intimacy section of your work? For how many years?
Dr. April Brown:Since 2017. Okay.
Chris:And do you feel this is it, this is your niche.
Dr. April Brown:Well, this is my niche, yes, yes, yes. And when I look at intimacy. So I went for sex therapy, of course, and they teach us a lot about that. But God also wanted me to focus just more, not just only on sex, but just the overall of intimacy, which is intimacy, you see, being fully present, and that's with a partner, that's with you. Know. I say, have a series of books. That's with your children, that's even out there in community. Many times we're so distracted by so many different things or we're worrying about things in the future, you know, which causes a lot of anxiety and stuff, or we've got trauma or stuff in the past, but we're hardly ever fully present. And when you're fully present in your own body, that that self intimacy, and then that spiritual intimacy of knowing your purpose, and then that intimacy of being connected to someone, that's the magic there.
Chris:So what would you say? The definition is of intimacy is what?
Dr. April Brown:It's truly being number one, fully present and aware and that's even in your own self. You know, then, also being vulnerable. You know so that people can see the authentic self, and then also you could be, you could see that other person's authentic self.
Chris:Nothing is hidden, everything just exposed. It's the raw deal, the real deal, as they say. So why do you think it's so hard for people to talk about sex and or intimacy?
Dr. April Brown:Well, it's become like a taboo. You know, even though it's been here from day one, it has.
Dr. April Brown:It has created this in us. You know, not only to produce you know children but also for pleasure. So for some reason it's like you know, we can't talk about it's a dirty secret, but it's life and it's something we should talk about because, especially in the sense of an intimate relationship with a partner, each person's body is different, so you have to talk about it. You have to talk about what your likes, what your dislikes, what your boundaries are. Those things are important. Yes.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, and it's not only just talking about the physical aspect, but the juice of all. That is really that emotional piece.
Chris:I agree. I think that you know this is compared to people sleeping together the first time, or dating for a little while without sleeping together. When it does happen, you've kind of built up some type of emotion and connection with them and it's kind of like puts it over people like, oh, it doesn't matter, it's going to be, you know, compared to just maybe having that one night which could you know, but you're not getting a chance to really find out who people are. So there's only a certain level that you can receive, that they can give you and that you can receive from them.
Dr. April Brown:So right, exactly.
Chris:Wow, Nice Are there. How many types of intimacy are there?
Dr. April Brown:Oh, wow, there's a lot. So most people know about, you know the sex and physical sexual intimacy is one type of physical intimacy. A lot of people understand physical intimacy and touched and that emotional intimacy which is being able to express your emotions and being able to, you know, have them, validate it and, of course, communication intimacy sharing and talking, but there's also activities, intimacy. Activities.
Chris:Yes.
Dr. April Brown:Going and doing things together. Oh. Whether it's kayaking, whether it's dancing, yeah, aesthetic intimacy, which means you and your partner looking at a beautiful waterfall. Wow. Yes, yes, there's a variety of different types of intimacy Conflict intimacy how do you two actually really solve problems? How do you solve a conflict? Of course, one of the big ones is financial intimacy. Wow. That connection with resources. Money.
Dr. April Brown:Yes, yes, yeah, which is a whole another. Yeah, which is very definitely important. Wow, you know that work intimacy, you know being truly, you know, connected to the services and products you provide, being able to talk to your coworkers, you know all of that. That parental intimacy within a family, how you connect with your children, you know it's critical that service intimacy out there in the community Given back and, of course, spiritual intimacy connecting with God.
Chris:Yeah, wow, my mind is blown. Wow, wow. I mean, I would have never even thought over half of those that you touched upon and I would have never put them in with the word intimacy. Wow, but it makes sense when you explained it. I get it, but I just never thought about it that way. Wow, okay, so you have clients coming in with all kinds of things. You're working with all kinds of people that are dealing with emotional or financial or all of that kind of stuff as well.
Dr. April Brown:Oh, yes, yes, yes, yeah, people that come in, they just cannot connect or they're having a hard time. You know a theater intimacy, until they forgot to mention the whole process, which is one of the most important, of course, is self. You know that self intimacy I see a lot. The sad thing is I see a lot of people who are not intimate with themselves, like they have these negative thoughts about themselves.
Chris:Oh, they're not really loving themselves.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, yeah, and I don't know if you know, but you cannot divorce yourself.
Chris:I never heard it put like that. But you're right, you stuck with self, yeah, yeah.
Dr. April Brown:That's exactly.
Chris:Wow, wow. So there's a lot, there's a lot. So can I ask you if the sex and intimacy are dead and is the relationship over? If the sex no, not necessarily so okay, help us on this one, because there's a lot of people that are here.
Dr. April Brown:Sex can be dead for a lot of reasons, you know. You know it could be a medical thing. As people get older, you know something doesn't work and I'm talking about, you know, people that are my age or maybe a little bit younger, older. You know that something doesn't work and there's, of course, um medication and things to help and if you don't use it you're going to lose it. Okay, so I'm not going to. Yeah, that's that one part, um. But sex can also be dead because of people not communicating and talking and emotional peace, because for some people, um and for um didn't your purpose, sometimes a little bit more in women, um, sex is very emotional. You know what I'm saying. Um, that's what gets for some people excited. It's not so much about the abs and other butts and all that and that you know breasts and all that but it's the emotion, and so when they feel their emotional needs of being met, they kind of shut down.
Dr. April Brown:You know what I'm saying. Are they go to one side of the bed, or you know, are they it's like not now, or they just um. The worst is when you just lay there. That's the worst, oh gosh. Yeah.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, that's really the worst, yeah, um, and which can cause more trauma. So it's in helping breaking down that, that wall of what's going on, right, as a couple of you guys aren't able to communicate and talk, and sometimes, on the flip side, maybe the person's um been too busy to stress, um, a variety of other things that can happen to. You know, have intimacy stop. So that's one thing. Number two it's times intimacy stops because we get an out head too much.
Dr. April Brown:You know, um, yeah, we start to like we're so excited about X, y or Z and we are like, um, coaching ourselves like this, Like are you pleasing your partner? Are you doing this Right? Oh, my gosh, you know, is my body to you know X, y or Z or two, whatever it's this coach? Okay, so if you're sitting there thinking about my doing things why, how do I look all this kind of stuff? You kind of left the scene, you know you're, you're is your mind somewhere else. And then, um, what happens for some people? They get like, um, how can I put it? They get nervous or anxious, and sometimes that affects body parts. Yes, it does yes.
Dr. April Brown:You know, it's what we call performance anxiety.
Chris:Yep, that's exactly what it is. Yep.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, and so I have had um younger people. You know that people that have you know that are older that come in and they think they have, you know, ed or whatever. But it's really based, it's really just a performance anxiety.
Chris:And ED is erectile deficiency. Is that correct?
Dr. April Brown:Yeah. Okay, yes, yes. Because the mind and the heart and the um penis are all connected. Yeah, so if your mind has gone somewhere else, you know, or even if for some people, even if they sometimes, even you know, say have ADD, or ADHD in their mind goes, you know, just somewhere else.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, yeah. So just because the sexual intimacy is not there, there was many ways to bring it back and sometimes it's not there because traumas happen. There's a philosophy and book and a theory that the body keeps scores, so the body remembers everything. So let's say you've had a great time, yada, yada, yada. But then your body is triggered and it shuts down at a certain spot. Okay. And then, from then on, it's shut down all the way. Um, that is something that we can work through.
Chris:Have you, have you ever dealt with clients like this?
Dr. April Brown:Oh, yes, yes, yes, I deal a lot with clients like that.
Chris:Yes, Do you find that this is happening? You did mention a little bit for the younger, but is this something that's happening to the older, more adult, and are we saying like over 40?
Dr. April Brown:over 40, over 50. Oh, okay.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah yeah but there's a way, even if, because the other aspect in the medical aspect whether it's menopause, hormonal changes of birth control, or for some people or women in particular, it hurts. You know there's different pelvic floor exercises, there's different ways to help Beemales and other people so that it doesn't hurt or that they do become more aroused. It's also, you know, knowing your body, what you like when you were 21,. It changes. So true, you know, yeah, yeah, yes, yes, and intimacy, and even sexual intimacy. So when I really help people in couples with sexual intimacy really look at it more as play. Okay, when you I don't know if you remember when you were younger and you just played with your you know regular toys with your friends, you were fully displaying, you weren't worrying about shit or stuff.
Chris:It's true, that's fine. Yeah, it's true.
Dr. April Brown:You know, yeah, yeah, just having fun, and so that's what I try to help and to alleviate the pressure, because sometimes that bedroom, depending what's happened in there, and the arguments happen, yeah, and stuff has happened that could be a pressure cooker at some point.
Chris:And the energy is left in there from what's been going down or what hasn't been going down. So it's yeah, you're right, it's probably not the place that we're gonna fix it.
Dr. April Brown:Right, right, right. And you mentioned another good word, that sometimes energy. So good intimacy, good sexual intimacy, requires energy. So sometimes these things are shut down because there's no energy. You know what I mean? Yes, where people are working, yeah, 70, 80 hours, and you know, or like roommates, and then they're wondering why you know, and you know for some people, you know sometimes one partner is okay with this.
Chris:You know they're okay with feeling like I'm good, you know I don't need to be touched, you know I'm happy just going along and doing. You know, and some cultures as well, you know, find this to be something that happens naturally as they get older, that we just become really best friends and you know that part of the sexual part just disappears, you know, and we continue on and still live grand and happy lives and nothing is missed at all. So I guess it's a case by case, you know, on happening. But I've heard both ways as well as living internationally, that you know other cultures doing things differently. Cause for us, sometimes, when the sex is dead, as an American you're getting a divorce. You know what I mean. Like somebody's cheating, like there's a whole story that's going along with what's gonna happen. So it's just yeah, it's just different.
Dr. April Brown:Right, right, and you're exactly right that for some couples, if one partner still wants it, the other says no, and they work out an arrangement where the other partner can look at other avenues to get their sexual needs fulfilled. Yeah, and they're fine with that. And that requires good communication, intimacy.
Chris:You're right. You're right. I like that. Avenues. That was nicely put, nicely put. So I wanna go back a little bit and talk about self intimacy, Because I feel that it's huge, because if we are not able to A work with ourselves, love ourselves, please ourselves in various ways, we're not gonna be able to give that to anybody else. So I wanna ask you how can I increase intimacy in my life as a single individual?
Dr. April Brown:Awesome, the great question. Well, I do have on my website in personal intimacy questionnaire. They goes over all the different types of intimacy and how you feel that you do well and focus on that. But the first thing really is awareness is knowing yourself, and especially in America for one particular gender, they're not how can I put it? Some people don't even know what they like or never really looked at their intimate parts.
Chris:Yes this is quite surprising as well.
Dr. April Brown:Yes, yeah, yeah. So then they expect their partner to know how to please them when they haven't even looked and stuff. So number one, of course awareness and know your body, yes, yes. Number two, of course just stop saying negative things to yourself, because it just destroys every other form of intimacy. You gotta be on your own team. Okay, just say you're work in progress, okay, number three it's okay to try things. Try something. If you don't like it, don't ever do it again, you know, but get yourself out of these boxes and try different things or even try new experiences. Unless you try something, you don't know if you truly like it or not like it or even in the sense of the experience.
Chris:That's so true.
Dr. April Brown:You know that's really, really important and for you to be able to talk about sex or intimacy. Some people can't even say the word, so if you can't even say the word.
Chris:So true, yes, You're right, you're so right.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, start reading books and stuff. So read them out loud so you can say the word, so you can have that conversation. Hmm. Yeah, and know your boundaries.
Chris:That is huge. That is huge. Knowing your boundaries Knowing yourself is definitely huge, but knowing your boundaries is very important, very, very important.
Dr. April Brown:Right, right, right. So if you're trying something and you just feel uncomfortable, it's okay to say stop. No, you know. Yeah, that's okay, that's you. Yeah, you don't have to be like anyone else. You got to be okay in your own skin and what you like, we're all different.
Chris:So true, so true, and I think that it's important to communicate. You know it should be fun. I'm laughing. You know there's moments. You know it shouldn't be. I always thought when I was a kid that sex was so serious you know, and I realized for myself that it's not.
Chris:You know, it's a good time, but it's like we can have laughs, we can. You know, like there's communicating in there from one person to the other and if the other person is a good isn't a good communicator, asking questions that equal yes or no is easy, you know where. It just puts them into a place where I am able to communicate and they can just answer yes or no. You know Exactly. So it's yeah, communication is huge. I mean outside the bedroom, of course, as well, but inside as well, because a lot of times we don't have to be put through the things that we're doing in there and having bad experiences because we couldn't open our mouths to really say we didn't enjoy, or we, you know right, right, right, and and to just lay there and say, well, just have to take it, it's, your partner can feel it.
Dr. April Brown:Number one yes and yes, yes, and you're doing damage to your body.
Chris:Number two yeah, this is it. I just say stop, just stop, just stop. Yes, wow, such good stuff. So there was the three awareness stopping the negative talk. It's okay to try things. Was there something else have?
Dr. April Brown:fun, oh, and have fun, yes. Okay. Yes, and actually the other intimacy that you talked about just a minute ago that I forgot to mention is humor. Oh yeah, yes, yes. Do you know how, how you connect and laughter and play it funny, or watching sitcoms or comedians, or doing I do improv a? Lot. Do you? Yes, they do yes. Oh nice. Yeah, it's that creative laughter humor.
Chris:It's true, the people that you can laugh with. You remember who you laugh with who, that that joy of laughing and that bellied over laughter where the stomach hurts and stuff like yeah, you're right, there is a connection.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, there is definitely connection. And then the other one so the main, one of the main sex organs in the body is the brain. So that intellectual intimacy yeah, some people are. Yeah, when you connect with someone who gets you intellectually.
Chris:I've had that experience.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah.
Chris:It's like your, your things are happening, but your clothes are on and you're just talking. It's like, yeah, that's it's. I've had the experience once in my life. Yeah, it is something to like. I just like how is this happening? You know, yeah, but we were at the same wavelength. You're right, I've forgotten about that, wow.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, yeah. And then if you think, if you take that and actually put that in the bedroom, wow, yeah, this is it the stars in the galaxy.
Chris:Yes, yes, oh, wow, nice, nice, oh. A lot of great information, a lot of great information. I want to ask you what is vacation counseling? We talked about it in the opening, but, like, can you give us a little deeper dig into it? And you know, how is it different in Florida and Costa Rica? The people are different, is it? You know? Give us a little taste about it.
Dr. April Brown:Yes, yes. So, as I've been talking about all these types of intimacies, vacation counseling is an opportunity to experience all these type of intimacies and the reason why I call it vacation counseling and I do it it's basically a retreat business where you can come to Florida or have done them in Costa Rica and you actually work on all these intimacies in a fun manner where you can feel like you still have a vacation. Yeah, so, on the very exclusive package, we deal with one couple at a time. So you come to Florida, we stay in a beautiful vacation rental, in all that and a union partner or having a you know, basically a nice vacation and myself and a few other therapists sometimes two, sometimes three of us we come to you and we come to your vacation rental and we provide about 16 to 24 hours of therapy, intense therapy. Okay, so you may think, oh my gosh, we sit around talking that whole time. I would bore me to death.
Dr. April Brown:No we're going. I mean, we're going to talk, of course, we're going to get down to some stuff, but we're also going to play. Oh, wow, yes, I, yes, we do a lot of, whether it's with Legos, balls, the pool. We do a lot of play to discuss a variety of different things, even cycle drama, and he's in cycle drama.
Chris:Wait, what's a cycle drama?
Dr. April Brown:cycle drama type of therapy is like you're pretending to be. Are you pretending to be the younger self talking to the older self, or I'm going to be your mom? We do a lot of different things to help heal people.
Chris:Okay, now are the people clothes. Are they taking their clothes off? Oh no, everybody's clothes, okay, okay okay, how intimate is it getting for the couples? You know, okay, okay.
Dr. April Brown:I think it's close. Yes, yes, yes, I do provide a sexual intimacy sessions that we talk about sex a variety of different ways, about July, and don't fight.
Chris:Okay, that's the okay so that's a separate.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, that's part in the vacation counseling, but I leave you to be. I let you guys talk about it. Actually, I give you a gift about different things, but I will let you to have your intimate moments by yourself.
Chris:Got it Okay. That makes sense and easier, of course, and so how often are these retreats happening?
Dr. April Brown:It's like an intensive yeah, yeah, to do them once a month.
Chris:Oh, once a month, wow, okay.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, yeah, also in Costa Rica. Also here in Costa Rica we do a lot of zip lining. We go on the beach, here we do some bee and boating and dancing, so we do a variety of different activities.
Chris:Okay, Now what if I'm a single person? Am I excluded from this experience?
Dr. April Brown:No, no. We have single people who come want to just get away and learn more about themselves, so we teach them how to play Basically.
Chris:Yes, Okay, nice. Now in Costa Rica, because of the space, are you dealing more with Latin people there?
Dr. April Brown:No, no, actually it's mostly Americans that had some Canadians. Oh, okay, yeah, I do it at a peace retreat center which we add in yoga Nice. Which is wonderful. Yes, it is, it's so good. Yeah, yeah, but you're out there in nature, you're, you know, with the monkeys and the birds and stuff.
Chris:Yeah, now that sounds great. And you know when you're able to reconnect yourself back in that type of place, you know when you're leaving all the electronics and things, the mind is able to really clear and you can really be more present, you know, and just really focused, without the outside noise that I like to call it that is invading our lives, in the world that we live. So, hmm, wow, that sounds exciting. That sounds exciting.
Dr. April Brown:Yes, you are busy, wow Well not every month in Kosuika, but every month. Yeah, I am somewhat busy.
Chris:Yes, Wow my gosh. And then tell us about the bringing intimacy back. I love that title. Oh, okay, yes. Let's tell us a little bit about your podcast.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, yes, that started way back, mike, when I started into this field of intimacy back in 2018. And it's a podcast. It's a live podcast now that I do every Thursday at 3.30 PM and I oh yeah, 3.30 PM on Eastern Standard Time and I have professionals come on and talk about intimacy in a variety of different ways, whether it's creative things like being intimate with food.
Chris:Nice.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, what was yesterday's topic? Oh, let it be the dating theory. You know how that is in dealing with intimacy, and so, yeah, a variety of different stuff.
Chris:Okay, that sounds cool, I love it.
Dr. April Brown:Yes, yes, yeah, and so also because of that show, it made me really think of how to have more resources. So on that show and on my website, I also have these intimacy quiz personal, like I said, and relationship intimacy. So, you can take one of these quizzes to see you know how am I on all these different forms of intimacy, and then I have books online to show you how to get better at those intimacies.
Chris:Which is the book series.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, which is the book series Improving intimacy. Yeah, that's out there on Amazon.
Chris:Yes, wow, I love it. You've covered a lot. You're touching everything. This is what we need.
Dr. April Brown:I think the tool.
Chris:Well, you're doing, you're doing. You know I think it's important to have tools, that people can have tools in their toolbox. You know everyone, we can't learn everything, but at least if you can have a few tools to be able to navigate a situation, I think that is the most important. And so you're giving all these resources where we're able to really have a chance to, you know, find these tools that we can use in our toolbox. So that's awesome. That's awesome.
Dr. April Brown:Thank you.
Chris:Yes, I wanted to ask you how can busy couples maintain a healthy sex life?
Dr. April Brown:So for some couples who are so busy and you know they schedule their doctor's appointment and they schedule time to see me For some couples I say that they do have to schedule. Okay, now, when you schedule intimacy, it doesn't mean that it's going to be boring, because it's like schedule, but what it means is I've set time aside. Now what happens in that time aside can be very creative, spontaneous, but I know that on this time, this is this is the time that I've set to be intimate with my partner, which means for some busy couples they have to save energy. You know what I'm saying. They've got to come home and they've given every energy thing. You know how can I put it? So another way I put it is we all know about customer service and how to be nice to our customers, but our number one client really should be our partner. Our number one client really should be our partner.
Dr. April Brown:That's how we should really show some good customer service. So we hold the door, say you know nice, thank you, ma'am, and stuff. But then sometimes when we come home we have like given out everything and we're just like a bear, lamin' things and all that. We wouldn't do that at our job. So but you have to remember your partners with you for life, these people customers, I mean they're nice and they give you money, but you may never see them again. So, yeah, yeah. So when you schedule it, that means I need to save energy. I cannot give my job everything. Yeah, I need to save something for home. So that's one way of definitely doing. Number two is it should not always be on one person to initiate.
Chris:Thank you on that. Yes, yes.
Dr. April Brown:That gets overwhelming, that gets kind of boring, that gets kind of, yeah, every partner wants to feel wanted. So if for some reason you guys have a hard time in that concept and they cannot be organic, I have to tell couples well, why don't you have the first part of the week? I know it sounds ridiculous, but oh, that is.
Chris:it's funny to hear out loud, for sure, wow. But if it helps them get into play, then hey. These are the tools we need for our toolbox. So I get it, yes.
Dr. April Brown:Yes, the other thing is sometimes you have to sign up for classes of some sort. You know, if, for some reason, you guys are so busy and you're like put things off, then sign up for a group of dance classes or a group of improv classes with your partner, or painting or whatever, Because sometimes people only show up. They know that you know people outside their house are, you know they're paying for something.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, I never thought about that yeah, yeah, yeah, but it's important and busy couples, I mean, you've got to really think it's even in a family. It's like a business in some aspect. The top has to be strong. The top isn't strong, everything else goes underneath, will go become weaker and weaker and the little ones will take over the house. You don't want a house run by children or do everything for the children and not take care of yourself.
Chris:Which is a lot of families are doing this, you know, especially the younger generations. Where it's, you know they are more pleasing the kids. You're getting their way and telling the parents what they want, and so, yeah, you're right. The top needs to be strong.
Dr. April Brown:Yes, yeah, and it's okay to have a vacation and go away with your partner and leave the kids. You know it's okay because that needs to happen. The kids are going to be fine. You two need to be on the same page.
Chris:You're right.
Dr. April Brown:But you're right. So many people just do everything for their kids, and which is not a good thing, because kids need to learn. No, you know, that's important, and kids need to learn about struggle, because life's not going to be, you know, giving them everything in life.
Chris:That is so true.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, that's a whole other story. Don't take me.
Chris:Well, speaking about parents and kids, do you have any advice for parents who? How do they make time when they have the small kids sleeping in the bed with them? I found that this was a big thing with some friends, where you know this had happened where the kid was, you know, sleeping in the bed, and so they weren't able to do anything because the child was in the bed.
Dr. April Brown:Right, right it's. You know, it's the boundaries, it's teaching your kid how to sleep by themselves. You know, sometimes, when they're really really little, you know there's that bassinet that you can put. You know, or whatever crib beside the bed instead of, you know, in the bed, when you are adjusting a child outside of your bedroom, they're outside of your bed. They are going to cry, they will. I mean, that's just what's going to happen.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, they're going to have a fit. The only way they won't have a fit is and if you wait for them to leave. So you think, well, let me wait till they leave. Okay, well, that's going to be when the hormones start, when they're 10, 11, 12.
Chris:Well, this is it, and sometimes the kids aren't leaving, but they're still old enough to feel like you should be sleeping in your own bed. You know you can write your name and you know your telephone number and address, like you should be Exactly.
Dr. April Brown:They're not going to leave till they're 12 or 13. And you don't want to get them so trained to always have someone in their bed, because then that leads to other problems later on in life. Yeah, yeah. So it's okay for your kids to cry and say, no, they don't want to. It has to be that adjustment. But sometimes people use this as an excuse because they don't want to be connected with their partner.
Chris:You know what I'm saying.
Dr. April Brown:They have kids in the bed. Dogs, cats, All these things.
Chris:Yeah.
Dr. April Brown:I was in one session and I guess the women had like 17 pillows.
Chris:Oh my gosh yeah.
Dr. April Brown:So there's something deeper. When you have these things in the bed, it's like you're saying to your partner I really don't want to connect and we need to figure out why. Yeah, I think that one where you can sit, andosp Mother academic training is also kind.
Chris:Hmm, I agree. Yeah, we need to get down to it. Let's talk about it. Let's talk about it, yeah. Hmm, thank you for that breakdown as well. Yes, I'd like to play a little fill-in-the-blank if we can.
Dr. April Brown:Okay.
Chris:I'll just read it and then you just give your answer.
Dr. April Brown:and however you're feeling for the answer, I'm happiest when I am with my partner my partner name is JP when we're very intimate in dancing and creative play.
Chris:Oh, nice, nice.
Dr. April Brown:The strength I'm most proud of is my ability to truly authentically listen and be aesthetic.
Chris:Wow, nice, nice.
Dr. April Brown:I'm hardest on myself when I Hardest on myself, I guess now it's this whole social media advertising marketing. The business is probably where I'm hardest on myself at the moment. Oh, okay, okay Meaning doing it or having to do it yeah, having to do more post than all that kind of stuff.
Chris:Oh, pr, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it. It is a lot, right, it's a lot. And if you want to be on top, you have to keep putting updates, you have to keep doing it. It's a lot, it's a lot.
Dr. April Brown:It is.
Chris:So I get you. I get you on that. Let's see Next one.
Dr. April Brown:When I feel down, I when I feel down, I like to snuggle, be close, either yeah, I like to be close, Physical touch. It's probably my love language, so that's what I probably go towards when I'm down or the other aspect. If I don't have any words in the middle of the day, I'll go get it. It's a weakness of mine. Happy Meal for McDonald's.
Chris:Oh, that's so cute. What kind are you getting? Tell us.
Dr. April Brown:Hamburger happy meals. The apples? They have no apples and I just want the straight fries and a little hamburger and a little toy.
Chris:I was about to say what are happening with the toys. Are you keeping them?
Dr. April Brown:No, I do kind of give them away and stuff. Yeah, my grandmother used to spoil me with happy meals, so and I know you don't really digest in your system, and so I say God leave and I die. It's probably going to be a million happy meals. At least you are happy.
Chris:That's what matters. We all going to leave, we all going to go. So, yeah, I love that. That's great. I long for.
Dr. April Brown:I long to, which is why I started a vacation counseling. I long to travel more. Oh nice, yeah, and with that I can travel more and do counseling in different places, versus behind four walls. So yeah, Nice, nice.
Chris:If I'm not being sexually satisfied, I Voice it. Good, nice Communication, people Communication, yes, yes.
Dr. April Brown:Yes.
Chris:That's it. What I'm asking for more of is.
Dr. April Brown:What I'm asking for more of. I don't know. It's probably more time, but that's something. Yeah, it's limited. Yeah, probably more time is what I'm asking more for. I need to travel more. I really want to travel more.
Chris:Have you. Where do you want to go?
Dr. April Brown:To Europe.
Chris:It's kind of where.
Dr. April Brown:I really oh yes.
Chris:Nice, nice, nice, nice. All right, now we're hoping that you're going to be traveling, traveling over to.
Dr. April Brown:Europe soon.
Chris:Yeah, that would be awesome, definitely Nice, thank you. Thank you for answering those.
Dr. April Brown:Are you?
Chris:welcome. I want to ask you how do you maintain good mental health and self-care?
Dr. April Brown:So for me, I have to Self-care is very important, especially as what I do because I deal with a lot of negativity. So me play is really important. So I have a date that I dedicate but I do Zumba, I do Involve with yeah, two times a week we dance, I take dance classes. Nice, yeah, I'm also very spiritual, so I go to church and serve in church. My partner, jp, meditates a lot, so we're at the temple meditating. So I think all those things have helped. You know, to go inward, to go up with the higher power, is actually do some playing and laughing.
Chris:Nice, nice, nice, nice. That's great, that's great. I have a question from one of my I don't want to say fans, but one of the listeners, about masturbation, and they are female and they have said that if, as a woman, if you don't know how to please yourself, you are not able to receive or be pleased by anyone else. I wanted to ask you your opinion about masturbation and that comment as well. Do you agree with that, what she said?
Dr. April Brown:Well, yes, kind of what I said earlier. You don't know how that self intimacy in the sense of knowing your own body and what turns you on. And so masturbation does help you, to help you figure out, especially different positions. Different stimulants in the sense of whether because I do also when I teach couples, I teach them about sensory focus but the different stimulants in the sense of whether heart, touch, soft touch feathers, leather, all of that stuff, how does it react for you? One thing with masturbation, especially if you have a partner and you guys have that good communication, it also can be a lesson in some aspect where you teach your partner what feels good for you.
Chris:I think that's huge. I think that's really really important that they know what you like and what you don't like. And some people, because of their religion, are really feeling that masturbation is something that does not coincide with their religion, so that's why it's something that they're not doing, but then that leaves them feeling that they're not able to really please themselves because they're stopped at this point. What do you say about that?
Dr. April Brown:So as a therapist, I really do try to work within a person's worldview is what we call it Okay. So if that's their belief system, I'm not going to force masturbation on them of course because that's how they see the world. Yeah, but I will encourage them to still explore their body in the sense of where parts are and that kind of stuff, to maybe read about things. Okay.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, and to provide where they both could read about things and to try to work through or work on a certain spot or whatever, together as a team and that yeah.
Chris:Okay, I would have never thought of that. Oh, yes, nice. And what's your opinion about sex toys? Are they good? Do you recommend them? Do you feel like?
Dr. April Brown:No, I do recommend them. Of course, it depends on them. I could say the worldview of a couple Okay, okay, yes. Yes, I like sex toys, but not all my couples do, and I come from a Christian and I'm also Catholic, so I see a variety of different type of things.
Dr. April Brown:But yes, sex toys can make it more playful and you can try something if it doesn't do anything for you and try something else, but it just makes it playful. And even if you try it and then mess it up and you guys laugh about it, the humor but it can actually help stimulate. And sex toys. I know for some people they think about it as competition in some aspects. Oh, my. God, yeah, but it shouldn't be used like it, shouldn't? You? Don't look at it that way. This is just a way of playing. Yeah.
Chris:Nice, thank you for breaking that down. Yeah, yes, some people are just a little afraid to try and feel like, oh, I'm a freak if I'm playing with the toys and it's like. You know. I think that it's exploring and, you know, having an exploration gives us a chance to learn a little bit more about what we like and what we don't like.
Dr. April Brown:Right, I mean, it's like. I mean, what came to mind was just jump roping. You know that jump rope was a toy, but they had two people that are playing it or I guess maybe takes three. Yeah, just having fun, and that's okay too.
Chris:Yes, right, right. That's so funny. Can I ask you, do you have any final thoughts for our listeners?
Dr. April Brown:No one of the things that I think you asked me recently. I forgot what the question was, but I just want to continue to say for people not to put themselves down. We all make mistakes and when I do make I make a mistake every day I just say to myself I'm a work in progress and I keep moving. I don't sit there and judge myself and any of that kind of stuff. Because when you're truly intimate and if you're truly in the present moment, you will have less anxiety and less depression. So it does impact your mental health. And even good sexual intimacy really does help, because when you're anxious, you're like overwhelmed, you know, and many times you need a release. So good physical sex intimacy helps with that. Or if you're depressed, you need the good hormones to you know help boost your yeah so good.
Dr. April Brown:Sexual intimacy, of course, with the right person, can help improve your mental health also.
Chris:Wow, what an even thought about that. Wow, yes, okay, well, reason to have more good sex. People, keep our minds right. Our hearts full and our minds right. Yes, I like to ask this final question to all. I guessed Is your glass half empty or half full?
Dr. April Brown:Oh, mine is definitely half full, or even more than half full, yes, yeah, yeah, I love it's because it's the law of attraction which you put out there, you get back, so you should be thinking for the best.
Chris:Yes, yes. Of course, yes, I love the answer. Everybody's got something. Some fire answer for it. I love it. I love it. Yeah, can you tell everyone how they can reach you if they're interested to find out more about you, about your books and the vacation counseling, if they're interested to do the vacation counseling in Florida or Costa Rica? Tell us how can we find you, dr April.
Dr. April Brown:Yeah, so it's quite simple. My name's Dr April Brown, so you can just go online, you can Google it or go to my website at drapril. Just spell, like the month, l Brown, like the colorcom, dr April Browncom. I'm also known as the doctor of intimacy, so you can do that, google that and the website there, doctorofintimacycom. But yeah, all my stuff is there and it'll lead you to the other websites and stuff. So it's been a pleasure.
Chris:Chris, oh, thank you so much for taking some time out to be a guest here on Glass half school. We have had an awesome interview today. You gave us so many good nuggets of like information and you know, like you say, sex is a little taboo. So for you as a woman, educated woman, black woman to come and really shed some light in this area is so extra awesome. It's really so great and I love the mission that you're on and helping change couples and improving people's lives. It's huge. It's huge and all of the things that you're doing. I'm like, oh my gosh, it's just great. We're excited to see what's going to be happening in the next few years and see what's going to be happening. You might be speaking in Europe. So right, you say you want to go there. It might, you know, yeah, for so God to work it out for you so you can go ahead on and just share your message, continuing to do your work. So thank you so much for today and all the information that you shared with us.
Dr. April Brown:Oh well, thank you so much for having me on the show. I'm your great host and I really appreciate being here.
Chris:Oh, thank you so much. You have an awesome morning.
Dr. April Brown:Okay, thank you, take care.
Chris:Thank you Bye bye. Bye and thank you to all our listeners listening in to another episode of Glass Half Full, a podcast and a safe platform for everyone to share their life experiences. Once again, I'm your host, Chris Levens. Please subscribe, follow and rate this podcast on Apple Music and Spotify and YouTube for more learning experiences Until next time. No, you are blessed, See ya.